I wish I could tell you everyone liked me.
But that would be a lie. A BIG ONE!!
Sadly, some people don’t like me. I’ve never kissed someone’s boyfriend. I’ve never punched someone. I haven’t done anything drastically mean. Don’t get me wrong– I’m no Ellen DeGeneres. I have plenty of flaws and haven’t always been the kindest gal. BUT, I’m not awful. Yet some people out there just don’t like me. Lol.
I wish I could flip my hair and laugh it off with a sly, “thank you, next”. I wish I could mean it when I say “I don’t care”. But the truth is I STRUGGLE because I have a very common condition where I care what people think of me. I can’t be the only one.
Maybe you are like me, and you too have a couple people who don’t like you. No matter what you do Karen has to always tell Janet her two cents about you. You can’t win. So if you are like me and are sometimes infected with people pleasing… read on. If you too find yourself upset when someone doesn’t like you please read on…
My three tips on how to handle people talking rudely about you:
1. Let them talk.
I get why this is hard. If you’re like me you love a good clap-back and speaking your mind. However, speaking your mind is not biblical. Speaking your mind gives the enemy an opportunity to take someone else’s sin and infect you with little self-control causing you to sin as well.
If you allow someone’s word of defamation to become your identity, you are sinning yourself. When you believe their words, you are rejecting the truth Jesus has already proclaimed over you when He died on the cross for you.
When someone talks about you, let them. Don’t fight it. The world may tell you that you need a good clap-back, but Jesus says let them. Let them talk because their words are lies. They are simply distractions that deserve love not a frustrated clap-back.
You are called to speak the Spirit not your mind. Use your words to proclaim truth and not as a weapon in battle. Your greatest weapon is the love and truth Jesus has proclaimed over you. Speaking the Spirit means you speak with self control, love, patience, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and yes– even JOY.
You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you not to resist an evil person. If someone slaps you on your right check, turn to him the other one also.”
2. You are called to love and give grace, not trust.
Trust comes from wisdom and discernment, while grace and love come from the cross. The cross has already been finished so yes— you are called to love and give grace. But trust comes from wisdom given through prayer and life experiences God has granted you with. You do not have to trust anyone again. But you do have to forgive them.
3. Learn to trust again.
In college I saw my friend’s phone light up. BAM. There was a group text with all my roommates without me… I just knew it. They had an anti-grace group text. I’ve been down this road before with some “friends” from high school. I finally approached one friend about this group text. And get this–they were planning a surprise Mardi Gras party for me because I grew up in NOLA, they thought I missed home, and I never get birthday parties because I have a summer birthday.
So no… there was no anti-grace group message. Oops. Guess I have trust issues? Lol.
What I learned in that moment was simple… yes, I’ve been hurt before, but I’ve also been loved before. God is doing something new. The more I look back on past hurts, the more I’ll miss out on present love.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-20
To the one struggling with this right now: I get it. You’re hurt. You’re frustrated. You’re upset. It is not a sin to experience any of those emotions. But please never allow your identity to depend on someone else’s mean thoughts. When you allow someone’s sin to write your identity, you are rejecting God’s truth. You are created for a purpose. You are worthy of friendship that are true and reflect Jesus. You are not your past, your reputation, the lies they say, or the thoughts they have about you. Look to Jesus for your worth.
Lastly, if you can’t find anyone kind, be someone who is kind. Be the one who loves like Jesus in a dark world. Sin may be contagious but so is joy.
Hi my name is Grace Valentine! I have a book I hope you would like to read, click here to find out where you can get it. A podcast you can find through the iphone app “PODCAST”. The podcast is title “I’M TIRED”. (literally I’m always tired lol) You can search the title or my name to find it. Also follow me on instagram @thegracevalentine, twitter @gracev96, or on Facebook (click here).
Hope to see you around XOXO