Okay, not all Christians… just some. Some Christians frustrate me by the way the talk about sex.
Growing up there was always that one time where finally we talked about the s word… SEX. We would giggle and laugh because we were finally talking about a forbidden topic.
Then you would hear the metaphors….
Your virginity is like a wrapped present… once you unwrap it you can’t wrap it again. And it is not as valuable as a wrapped present. No one wants to give their husband or wife an unwrapped present.
Your virginity is like tape…once you stick it to many times it stops sticking.
I get what you are saying. Trust me I’m 22. People hook-up and have sex all the time over and over again. And when they do it that often, it means less to them. Which that is sad.
But what I hate about the way some Christians talk about sex is they truly forget that Jesus told His followers...the greatest of these is love.
The greatest of these is love.
Not even justice.
Love is the greatest.
The problem with the metaphorical scare tactics is they don’t come from a place of love. They don’t come from the truth that your body isn’t your own, and God calls you to honor Him through it.
Telling a girl or guy they are an unwrapped present will only leaving them lacking the knowledge of the beauty of God’s grace and love.
It just leaves those who may have had sex feeling like crap. I have friends who have listened to those scare tactics hiding a sin they are ashamed to talk about in the church. Community isn’t suppose to scare you. Community is supposed to remind you of the truth. And the truth is you are loved…no matter your past or present decisions.
You are not an unwrapped present.
You are not a useless piece of tape that doesn’t work.
You are loved by God. And not because you stayed pure or because you obeyed His commands. (Because newsflash: we are all sinners.) You are loved simply because Jesus is good at loving you. He loves you when you are broken and offers you an opportunity to be restored.
Your sin does not define you. It does not label you as an unwrapped present. It doesn’t define your worth. It defines your Savior’s love. Your sins and struggle are a testament to God’s grace. That despite your past He loves you, cares for you, and desires for you to live a life that loves Him back. And He’ll keep pursuing you until you finally wake up and see He wants a more fulfilling life and relationship for you.
I have a Christian friend who many would be surprised to hear she struggles with sex before marriage in her Christian relationship. I was surprised when I heard and she opened up to me about this struggle.
She sees her sin and desires to confess it to Christian community. But she’s scared. Why? Because maybe they’ll shun her, think less of her, because this sin is “different”. Maybe they will use Christian scare tactics and tell her now no guy will want her.
Let me be clear: God calls us to a pure life. But purity is more than just sex. It is about having a pure heart. It is about seeking God’s will and goodness instead of the world. And it is also absolutely about abstaining from sex until marriage.
But if you use scare tactics to tell people about God’s will then are they really choosing to abstain to honor God? Or are they now worried that if they have sex people will think they are some opened present? Because now if their intentions are to please “good Christians” instead of God, is their heart behind their decision to wait in the right way?
Invite people to live a life that praises the One who saved them. Don’t scare them or threaten their worth. Because that’s not how Jesus described our worth.
However, you can remind them that as followers we are called to confess and strive to leave our sins behind. We are called to press on towards Jesus and not go back to our sin. We are called to live a life that follows Him.
But if you are reading this and have had sex, Jesus loves you the same amount as the girl with the Instagram Bio with a bible verse who always posts picture of her pretty bible. He loves you the same as the guy who is vocal about his perfect relationship. I’m not going to scare you into living a life of purity because guess what, sex probably does please you for a second. It probably does feel good. Christian communities may sometimes think you are an unwrapped present if you’ve had sex. And the society we are in may see you as prude and lame for choosing to wait. Your choices won’t always please the world and in more situations than not, people will think having sex before marriage is normal. (which this is why the scare tactic doesn’t work. the same kids in Sunday school who said “True Love Waits” because everyone was doing it then grow up to desire to please the world by removing their purity ring)
However, I’m inviting you to a not normal life. I’m inviting you to life that personally gives me confidence in whose I am. I am inviting you to a life that is about trusting your Creator. I’m inviting you to a life that is about living for Him, and not the Christian culture and not your boyfriend or girlfriend.
I’m inviting you to Jesus. When you do life with Him and prayerfully work towards making your every moment God-ordained, then naturally you follow His lead and trust His plan. It still isn’t easy. But you wake up every day and try. You wait not because it always feels like the right thing to do and not because your Sunday school teacher in 7th grade yelled at you to… you wait because of Jesus. You wait because you know your worth more because Jesus told you.
No matter what the gossip says about you or what your neighbor thinks of you, you are pure when you confess to Jesus and begin to strive towards a new life. You are never too bad for Jesus. He died for your sins. What a honor it is that we now get to live for Him. You will always be a beautiful present. My prayer is that you would realize that you are a gift created by God and desire to live a life that reflects what He says about you. And I also pray that “Christians” would remember love is the greatest gift God has given us, and love is the greatest gift to give.
I have a book that recently came out called “Am I Enough?” and you can click here to find out more information. I pray it is real and relatable. My goal for this book was to create a book I needed when I struggled with insecurity. It discusses the idea of not feeling pretty enough, successful enough, wanted enough, Christian enough, and the struggle with drinking and perfectionism. If you get it let me know and message or tag me on Instagram @thegracevalentine is my Instagram name <3