I used to only feel beautiful if a guy told me so.

I put my worth in how guys felt about me. I thought I would only be pretty enough if I had a boy’s approval.

And you know what? Some guy did tell me I was pretty. And in that moment I really did feel pretty. But guess what? He left, and I felt more worthless than ever before.

And some guy told me I wasn’t pretty. That hurt me and at that point in my life, destroyed the little self-confidence I had.

If you find your worth in a boy’s opinion– I can promise you it will fail you.

This guy may say you’re pretty, but then may hurt you. This guy may say you’re not pretty and then that destroys you.

I don’t think I’m the only girl who has struggled with believe the lie that, “you’re only beautiful because a guy told you so.”

Being a girl is hard.

We want to feel wanted.

We want to feel worthy of someone’s love.

We care more about what a boy thinks of us than what the King of Kings thinks of us.

So we do this thing called settling. We settle for a mediocre or sometimes even awful guy because we fear being alone. We let guys walk over us constantly because we think that our worth comes from them.

Frankly, I’m over this. I’ve seen way too many girls let how a guy views them depict their self-value. I’ve seen myself care way too much over one boy. I’ve seen girls give their hearts away time after time because they think having a boy want them makes them beautiful. I’ve seen girls crave affection and validation from boys.

Newsflash girls: you were beautiful before he told you.

Maybe you have had a billion guys tell you you are beautiful, but still treat you like you were worthless. Maybe you have never had a boy tell you that you were beautiful, and you desperately feel like you need a boy’s affirmation. Maybe you have had one boy tell you are beautiful, but he left, and now you feel as if you are not beautiful.

In all honesty, you aren’t beautiful because you finally hit 200 likes on your Instagram picture. You are not beautiful because you had 500 people view your video. You are not beautiful because the cute boy commented the fire emoji on your beach picture. You are not beautiful because the boy who lifts slid in your DMs. You are not beautiful because your boyfriend tells you you are.

You are beautiful because the One who created you is the best artist there ever was or will be. You are beautiful because you were created in the image of the King of Kings and Prince of Peace.

You were beautiful before he told you.

You heart was mended even before the boy broke your heart. 

You are loved and pursued daily by the author of love. 

You are wanted by someone who will always want you.

As girls, we need to stop finding our worth in guys. Their opinion does not determine our worth. Their opinion on our body, our hair and our face means nothing when we have affirmation from the one who designed the mountains and painted the sea.

I see girls all the time crying in the bathroom over a boy who broke their heart. I have cried in the bathroom over a boy who broke my heart. I remember my first heartbreak in high school, crying over a boy who once called me beautiful. Suddenly, I didn’t feel beautiful anymore. I had been finding my worth in him and not from the one who hand-crafted me. I had built my house on an unstable land, when I should have build my house on the rock.

I was finding my worth in a boy who simply changed his mind, when I should have found my worth in the one who gives me mercies everyday.

I guess what I’m trying to get across is that you are beautiful because you were created in God’s image. No if, ands, or buts. It is simple. You are beautiful because of your creator. You are beautiful because you have been forgiven. You are beautiful because the One who created the mountains, the beaches, and the sound rain makes on a tin roof created you. He loves you more than Kanye loves Kanye, and more than a woman loves chocolate.

God desperately wants you to look in the mirror and praise Him because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He doesn’t want you to find your worth in getting a text back or having a cute boyfriend. Your worth comes from your artist. And you know what? He carved the mountains, hung the stars, and painted the sea. He created sunflowers, puppies and coffee. And He still loves us more.

You were beautiful before he told you. So stop letting one boy determine how worthy you feel. You are worthy not because of who you are, how many likes you get, or how many boys like you. You are worthy because of whose you are. And whether you like it or not you are a child of God– and that is something to celebrate.

I talk about this lie and many other lies women believe in my new book, “Am I Enough?” For more information about my book, click here to find out more information. I pray this book can help you and your friends or daughter fight the pressures and lies society feed women.

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Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home--Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus--and with Him and Him only we are enough.

3 comments

  1. “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!…All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you…You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…” Song of Songs 4:1,7, 9

  2. I heard a comment a long time ago that if there were no men on the planet there would be a lot of happy fat women! I truly believe that women would never starve themselves, ever, if it weren’t for men and women trying to impress men. I heard a story recently from a man who said as a young boy he wished he could have a Playboy subscription, and his mother told him that the women in those magazines are all freaks because real women look like me and your sister. She’s right, those women are rare and many of the photographs are enhanced and edited and the real truth of it is beauty comes from within and outward beauty is vain meaning it doesn’t last forever. Don’t trust in your looks. Period. Be happy love your body as it is.

  3. I completely agree. I’ve entered a time in my life of hardship. This year has been all about faith for me. From trusting In God’s plans for school, work, and relationships. And 2 months ago I experienced my first break up, from a man of God. A man who had Jesus first in foremost in his heart, who courted me, prayed for me, encouraged me in the word. I was so sure that this man of love, was THE one. But here I am, single, and for the first time understanding how God can use these situations to bring me closer to Him.
    And it’s also the first time where I’ve been living and seeking the Lord in all situations and all friendships daily; and finding that THIS makes me feel beautiful. Being a part of the Lord’s work at hand, reaching out to other women going through the same pain or any pain at all and using the comfort God has given me to be placed upon them, has given me an overwhelming, cover of BEAUTIFUL grace.
    It’s so important for us as women/brides of the Lord, to find his love and grace in His presence alone first, before all others in order to truly understand what that means.
    “Charm is deceitful, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

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