I used to always tell younger girls modest was hottest…

One of my old articles for The Odyssey is going viral again currently…and in it I say “modest is hottest”.

Now, as I grow older I realize modest isn’t hottest.

I’ll be honest with you, completely honest: I still struggle with dressing modestly. This summer I have purposefully been trying to work on the way I dress. Last winter, I still had my favorite short leather skirt. Last month, I still had my favorite trendy crop top that was probably a little too cropped.

The problem with the typical modest is hottest talk is it is entirely untrue. It is false. Do not tell me modest is hottest when body-con dresses have been in for the past 4 seasons. Do not tell me modest is hottest when every summer they seem to make bikini bottoms smaller and smaller. WHY MUST THEY DO THIS???!! Do not tell me modest is hottest when I struggle to find one-pieces that don’t make me feel like my butt is hanging out.

Here’s the truth: trends say modest is not hottest. And if we took a poll and asked men what they thought, I bet 9/10 would say they prefer the girl with the shorter shorts, the crop top, and the itsy bitsy tiny bikini bottoms.

But we are called to seek the Kingdom. We are not called to seek attention. We are not called to seek fashion trends, or seek to show off the body we are given.

I am not here to tell you to dress modestly for men. If men want to lust, they will find someone to lust over. Both men and women need to work on self-control.

Dress modestly because you desire to seek God’s glory over affirmation from the world.

 

What I am asking you is are you seeking to be hot?

Last time I checked home-boy Jesus did not call you to be hot.

He did not say, “here’s the ten commandments for being hot: commandment one, be modest.”

No He didn’t…because Jesus doesn’t call us to be hot.

You aren’t going to get to the gates and have Jesus ask you…

“Hey Brittany… did you wear that totally trendy suede mini-skirt that made all the boys stare at your booty? The one that gets you 200 likes on insta?”

No.

He will not, because He wants you to focus on a life that is different than the world’s calling. He calls us to glorify Him through our lives.

And this includes through your body.

Your body serves one purpose. The purpose of your body is to be a sacrifice for the Lord. Your hands and feet should be used to spread His name. Your life is meant to be given to the One who gave you life.

The minute you think your body was created to be gawked at by guys is the minute you forget about your eternal purpose.

I struggle with this topic and living out this truth. This is not me acting holier than thou and as if I have it all together. However, I know my goal for today and tomorrow is the body the Lord created will be used to serve Him. Nothing is wrong with a cute dress, and putting on some makeup; however, never allow yourself to think hot is your goal of the morning.

Instead, pray to have the fruits of the spirit. Pray to seek your Creator, not men or fashion statements. And most importantly pray that today you can use your body to glorify the Lord.

Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.”

Photocreds: My beautiful friend Olivia Wright!!!!

Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home–Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus–and with Him and Him only we are enough.

48 comments

  1. Grace!!! This is so great. I love how you so consistently call young women (and men) to seek first the kingdom and His righteousness. You challenge conventional and trendy thinking with God’s truth! Thank you for doing what you do!

  2. I love this and I love your heart!! Thank you for being such an amazing example of what it’s like to live your life for Christ. I truly admire the way you encourage people and it is so cool to get to read what God puts on your heart. Keep it up girl!!

  3. This is a complete oxymoron. If Modest means to cover up and the point your making is to cover up the why wouldn’t modest be hottest?!? Sincerely, a very confused reader.

    1. Hi thanks for asking for clarification!

      The world and trends say modest is not hot. What do we see on fashion magazines? What are guys usually drawn too? Guys from the world I’m speaking of.

      I am saying modesty isn’t hot. Hot is a term from the world. But we shouldn’t be seeking being hot because some Christian guy says modest is hottest or because of a false idea that this is more beautiful.

      We should be seeking to glorify God. Hope this clarifies it 🙂

  4. Absolutely Love this! Also You write just like I talk when talking about this stuff to people in my personal life. I think maybe the best way I can get through to people is talking like its me and not as “the Brand” this is through.

    1. I can’t see which one! I’ll delete your comment wherever it is I don’t think I can change the name and I don’t hold the control to pick what name is put :/

      1. It still says waiting for moderation, it’s the one about instagram, thank you! And that one still has my name on it besides the pink symbol

      2. Got ya!!! Okay I’m going to post it on Instagram today thanks for that suggestion but I won’t post your comment 🙂

  5. Yes! “Modest is hottest” is just a bad saying all around. Even if modesty were to be considered the hottest, the goal shouldn’t be to be “hot” either way. Thanks!

  6. Have you ever thought about how applying to the latest standards in appropriate dress and adornment, even when they don’t show off your body, obscure the glory of Christ in your appearance? Modesty is about simplicity and not vainglory and not simply about bodycon, etc. You can show off a lot and not show off any body. You can show off your affluence with brand names, your style sense with the latest, the labels, even combinations…all serving to place you in a glorified position above others….but showing off in whatever form, as you said, is not what he calls us to. It’s sad to have people distracted by even your style. When they look at us, can they see- can they?- Him?

  7. Grace – love the article but please take it from an old woman, stop drinking diet anything, it will kill you faster than the sugar stuff. 😉

  8. I don’t ever comment on these, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. You’re saying that the idea of “hot” is based on what a guy thinks is attractive. You’re saying that what a boy thinks is “hot” is immodest clothing, so Modest Can’t Be Hottest. That’s completely wrong. Clothing that is “hot” is determined by the wearer. I certainly don’t care if a boy, or girl, thinks that what I’m wearing isn’t hot enough, if I feel good about myself and that I am pleasing my Heavenly Father, then I must be the hottest of them all. Boys opinions do not determine the attractiveness of a woman; this idea is the very thing that promotes rape culture. Don’t get the saying twisted: it’s intended to help younger girls who usually are insecure and pressured by the world to show off their bodies see that they can still be super hot and dress modestly. I know that it for sure helped me. So I’ll continue wearing my tea length dresses and one-piece swimsuits (which are super trendy right now) and feel good about myself. I know that I am more confident when I am modest and dressing in a way that I would feel comfortable wearing around Heavenly Father. The confidence that modesty gives you makes you feel hot. So I’ll say it loud & proud: Modest Is (Most Definitely) Hottest.

    1. Hi!!! I see what your saying and I love one pieces and tea length dresses, wearing one today to church 🙂 hot according to the urban dictionary (translating slang) is sexually attractive. Although you are talking about hot being a personally confidence, many believe it to be about attracting a man (or girl for men) therefore, what I’m saying is modest won’t win guys from the world and won’t sexually attract those guys, but we shouldn’t be seeking to be hot we should be seeking to glorify God.

      Hope this makes sense! I’m proud of you and your decision sister!

    2. And let me be clear: I’m against rape culture. What I’m speaking of is when I dress hot, I’m trying to look good to attract guys I like and for girls to think I’m in trend. That NEVER means I’m asking for anything! Even from the guys I’m trying to attract. I wanted that part especially to be clear. You can recognize most people use hot to describe sexual attraction without promoting rape culture.

      With that being said, I am incredible proud of your wisdom and desire to live with God. I’m asking young and old women to seek God not ever approval and even thinking “if I dress modest ill still be cool” it’s about the heart of the matter. That at the end of the way this world and any acceptance doesn’t matter. And only the approval from our Father matters.

  9. Grace, I believe what you are saying is admirable! And as a woman in her 20s in this society we live in, it can be quite the battle to answer the call of God and have society look at you weird for it. But Jesus is what’s important and loving for Him matters most. And I believe it is empowering for women to dress according to how they feel. I believe that if you are a follower of Jesus, you will know in your heart your limitations and your OWN definition of modesty and what is acceptable and pleasing to the Lord. I like this article and what you are saying! Good job!

  10. With all due respect, we need to stop giving young girls the modesty message that causes them to think their bodies are sexual objects made for men’s pleasure. In actuality, we need to give men way more accountability not to treat women like sexual objects. We baby our Christian men in the church. Obviously certain men take advantage of “immodesty”, but Christian men should be at the forefront of promoting healthy and positive views of women. I know this sounds unchristian like to some of you, but hear me out.

    Personally, I don’t feel bad about dressing “hot”. Is it that radical of a notion men should be taught not to view other human beings as a sex object? I think it’s ridiculous Christian women are in a system where we are being told to lengthen our skirts and cover our collarbones because men can’t handle it.

    When it comes down to it, I don’t dress for other people’s acceptance or thoughts of me, I dress for me. I think God cares more about who we helped in our lifetime, how we cared for the least of these, than how long our skirts were. And I’m not saying go out to the extreme of “immodesty”, I’m not saying that at all. But as a Christ following women, I believe it’s fine to have a bit of cleavage or a leather skirt. Again, just seems ridiculous so much of the responsibility falls on women. This counter point is meant to be done respectfully and I appreciate how kindly you’ve responded to others’ comments.

    1. Yes and I appreciate the respect given!

      Your first point I agree 100 percent!!! That was something I tried my best to address in the part where I said don’t dress modestly for men, if they want to lust they can find somewhere to lust. But dress modestly for God to worship Him, and so you are seeking Him first over trends and approval of men.

      And to some people, the way I dress can be seen as you describe immodest. It’s between each person and the Lord. I just have to pray before I dress I’m dressing in a way that makes Him proud and reminds my goal is to shine for Him not follow the world.

      I think the term hot has been (even according to urban dictionary) used to describe sexual attraction. Therefore, I’m saying most people wouldn’t look at modest but cute clothes I feel good in and be like “she’s hot”. But I’m not seeking to be hot (even for christian guys who may think my clothes are hot) I’m seeking the Lord and only Him.

      I spoke from my personal experience and what I’ve noticed as a temptation for girls. Obviously I am not everyone and I should have pointed that out.

      Thanks for the respect but the counter point 🙂 keep working for the Kingdom

  11. Grace, your name is indicative of your spirit. Some of these comments are coming at you from a not so good attitude and you are handling them with such grace. Bravo! That is something I have to work on all the time.

    As for your article, I agree with you, I grew up in a church that spread this quote around like butter. I was never comfortable with it though. If modest is hottest, then why is it not the most popular thing? Christ didn’t call us to be popular, he called us to be set apart. I appreciate your taking the time to clarify and suggesting not using that quote anymore.

    Hugs and prayers!

    Ashley

    1. I agree with Ashley! Many of the women writing comments apparently read the title but not the article. I was intrigued by the title as I raise 4 kids (two girls) in this culture. I was raised in a Christian environment and have experienced some extremes of legalistic views. Modest is most definitely not hottest. If we teach this phrase to our girls they will look at us dumb-founded. Like we were born in the dark ages. No, modest is not hottest but God desires our hearts. And with our hearts we give Him our bodies as sacrifices. We learn to see ourselves as HE sees us. We desire HIS acceptance and love and approval and not the worlds warped views. Teaching directly to the heart and not using clichés that pile on guilt for wanting to be pretty and fit in will be so helpful as our girls grow into the Godly women God is calling us to be. Can we be attractive and modestly dressed at the same time? Absolutley! When we put on the “modest” outfit where is our heart? Am I wrong because I am 40 and wear a bikini? At age 18 I was made to feel sinful for buying a bikini! It has taken me over 20 years to find my own opinion of Gods view of this for ME. Where is my heart when I put that swimsuit on? It can be just as dark and sinful and judgemental as putting on a one piece. That is the question of the article to me. Where is my heart with Jesus? Thank you for writing this piece! Thank you for shedding light on a topic that is worth the debate. 💙

  12. Grace, your article was beautifully written and I loved every word. But, even more impressive is how you handle all of these comments with such dignity, style and grace. You are a wonderful example of a child of the King. We are all just doing the best we can and we should be so thankful for people like you who are trying to make a difference and help us out. I fail daily, but I get up and try to do better the next day. I try to make better decisions when I dress, how I speak to and treat people, and how I react to people. I’m thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and has patience with me. Keep working for the Lord and don’t let anyone stop you. God Bless You!!

  13. This is so encouraging!! I sometimes struggle with the the way I look and wonder if I’m pretty enough or hot enough! But this post has really made it clear!! Thank you for this! I really enjoyed reading it!-

  14. Raising three daughters through the teen years, I have found that other teen girls influenced what my girls wanted to wear more then boys. Most men will decide to lust or not to lust no matter what a woman wears. But fitting in with the gurls is huge during life!

  15. I think there can be confusion in this, but the reason I think the way you’re approaching this is good and beneficial is because I’m a sinner to the very inside. I think I internalize “modest is hottest” as a mindset, and it leads to an entirely different type of son struggle where I’m dressing modestly and wondering if men at church are noticing how modest I am and so forth and so on. This is a dangerous frame of mind. Relating the way we dress to our worth at all can only lead to temptation or wrong feelings about our identity.. I agree with the premise of your argument, and I hope that I along with all of the rest of the women seeking God’s heart and glory will view things through a lens like this instead.

  16. Hi Grace! I love the point you’re making here about not worrying about what others think of our bodies, but I’m curious as to why you think that’s the reason behind what young women wear?
    At 18 I wore a crop top to school because it was 102 outside and we were rehearsing for graduation, and I got in trouble. I ran a bullying and suicide prevention club and a lot of young women felt attacked by teachers for what they wore to be comfy in (most of them more modest than my crop top, and some of them not even against the dress code).
    While I think fashion is very strongly based in the patriarchy in that it is designed to be appeasing to men, I don’t think the average young person dresses to impress others, they dress however makes them comfortable and confident. I don’t think God cares about that as long as He knows in our heart that we’re not doing it to please anyone else. I believe the Lord is body positive and He loves when we’re comfortable in the body He made for us.
    I think this idea that women who wear a 2 piece do it for men can be damaging.
    Just wanted your two cents
    Blessings 💖

    1. You are right not every young person does for men or for trends, but a majority in my experience do. Even working as a counselor before we went to boys camp there was always a desire for my girls to dress more “hot” there.

      However I should have been clear that this is not for everyone. Personally for me, seeking approval of trends and men is a temptation and something I’ve noticed in friends. I think many are the same.

      Thanks for pointing this out and I believe the Lord wants us to be focused on Him. I’ve in my past made idols out of trends and what boys think, so this is an article for girls like me to seek first GOD.

      God bless you!! Thanks for your input (and being nice about it 🙂 )

  17. Beautiful message! My sisters and I used to all say this to each other growing up. We all understood that it is evey women’s desire to be wanted and to feel beautiful. it’s human nature, however we also understood that flaunting off our chest and booty would not get us the kind of attention Christ desired for us to have. Being in a ” modest” ,humble mindset is far more beautiful and “hot” than a girl who is an attention seeker. And any man seeking God first in his life would agree.. That’s what I believe the saying means. And as a teen each time I got dresssed I would think about who I was trying to please… God or my fleshly desires, I would also consider my future husband and I feel like commiting to remain pure meant dressing modestly. Culture and trends will change, you honestly have to search your heart and decide whether the outfit your wearing is to glorify self or Christ’s purity.. I am in the fitness industry and I live on the beach, so I have had my fair share of moments to have to dodge the immodest clothing trends. 😉

  18. We at Prideinpurity have expressed in word and deed holiness for years. We are not to conform to this world, but we do live here… So with the help of the Lord we must be the proper role model for our girls and women, that is in heart; showing forth the love of Christ inside and out… Thank you for your honesty.

    On His behalf,
    -denise

  19. My wife and I have used modest is hottest with our teenage girls for quite a few years now. Actually I think we learned it from them. So when I read your headline, I was ready to defend. However, I must say that your point is well-stated and takes the topic to a deeper, more God-centered level. Looking forward to sharing this with them, and now reading more of your articles. Blessings!

  20. So we’ll written, a great way to express our views on modesty. Most men and women don’t understand this today even the so called religious ones.

  21. Thank you so much for this article! This is something I have been struggling with, but you completely dissolved my problems!

  22. Oh my word. This. ❤️❤️ Thank you for putting this into words!! It’s so hard sometimes to explain why I choose to dress the way I do, it’s not for me, it’s all so I can honor the Lord! This is such a great article – beautifully and eloquently written explaining some great great things about modesty & Chrsit! Keep writing girly – you’re amazing at it!!

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