If I’m being honest here I’m a little frustrated.

Girls…why?

Why are you settling?

Yes, you heard me settling. You are settling for boys who you know are not the kind of man who picture praying for you moments before you walk down the aisle. Not the type of guy you picture raising your son. Not the type of guy you picture drinking cheap beer with on the sidelines of your favorite sport team’s game, chilling in the nosebleeds.

You know what you want in a man. You want a leader who points you to Christ. You want someone who loves you with grace and sprinkles joy in your life with each word of encouragement and each hug. You want more. More than a snarky, know-it-all boy who thinks sports are life, you are his property, and you are only worthy if you look a certain way.

Life is hard and finding boys is even harder. Finding a good guy these days is hard. And I wish I could be like, “oh here’s my success story, follow this method. I met my husband through a bible study and BAM we had this wedding video where he cried. #GodISGOOD.” But I can’t. I have found good guys. Guys who restore my faith that good guys are not extinct. But I am still single.

But you know what I have learned in my 21-years of living… You shouldn’t be looking for a man. You shouldn’t be searching to find a man. You should be finding Jesus. Finding Jesus in your present circumstances and your present relationship status. You should be focusing on finding out more about Jesus’s character, and finding out where Jesus has called you to go. You should find Jesus in your everyday, savoring each minute of life He has given you. You should be finding ways to praise God through your life, and finding out more and more about how big God’s love is for you and me.

The next guy you should date should be a man who spends his everyday finding God. He seeks the Kingdom and He seeks to be at the feet of our Savior.

He needs to look like Jesus. What I want you to see looking back on your wedding day is a guy whose arms are always reach out to help others, not necessarily the ones always lifting at the gym. His legs will go where the Lord tells him to go, they may not always be perfectly toned. His eyes look for the good in others and not on things of the world. His heart should be compassionate and loving to all people, not just you. And his mouth should speak kind words and life into everyone he encounters, never used for destruction. He should admire your desire for purity, and seek it himself as well till marriage. He should push you closer to Christ, instead of coming in between you and God.

It doesn’t matter if he wears top-tier fraternity letters or if his job makes six figures. Forget the boy who can maybe afford you a rock, and focus on a man who has His foundation on the rock.

You were created by the King of Kings for a purpose greater than settling for a guy who doesn’t know your worth. You need a guy not to make you feel wanted. If it is the Lord’s plan, you deserve a guy who reminds you two is better than one. You deserve a man who dances with Christ, gently follows his lead and goes where called.

The next guy you date shouldn’t be a band-aid to get back on the last guy who broke your heart. Stop settling for being “wanted”, and focus on first falling in love with your first love. Focus on falling in love with Jesus, and then maybe just maybe, when you are dancing with Christ you will realize there’s a man next to you doing the same. A man who doesn’t ask you to put Him before your faith. And a man who will make you say “God thanks for being the best author of my story.” A man who makes you grateful God is God and you are simply a character in the greatest love story of all time.

Photocreds: @bestphotographyfl or @Brittkelleynelson Britt Nelson, owner of @gentlybound

Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home--Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus--and with Him and Him only we are enough.

8 comments

  1. Wow, this was absolutely needed. I actively read your blog and take comfort in your wise words and am beyond grateful you use your gift of writing to inspire girls in our generation. You are such a great example of what living in Christ looks like and I look forward to reading what God places on your heart next!

  2. ugh I wish more than anything for you to have that. You deserve such an amazing man and I can’t wait to read on her about the day you meet him.

  3. What an amazing article. You are wise beyond your years. I wish I had the same wisdom when I was 21. My story was full of heartbreak of trying to be wanted by one guy after another. I didn’t know Jesus until I was in my thirties and even then, still managed to fall for the wrong guys (even men who “claimed” to be Christian).

    Ladies, let me tell you what Grace wrote in this article is THRUTH. I finally had a thirst for Jesus, I was wanting to get to know Him more and more and I finally gave up on trying to find the right man on my own – through my own means. I told Jesus I was through! I was done! I’m tired of looking and settling… I focused on Him, and then suddenly, the Christian man I had been praying for appeared in my life. I had to get out of my own way and put Jesus at the helm.

    I got married when I was 41 and am so glad I waited!!! I can’t even put into words what it’s like to find a true follower of Jesus. I can brag about how great my husband is for pages and pages and never end. The reason my husband is great is because he puts Jesus first in his life. He has a reverence for Him that leads his every step in life. I have a praying husband, a husband who reads me the word every everyday. I have a husband who treats me with such tenderness and care and love, that I know it only scraps the surface of Jesus’ love for me. If I’m this ecstatic about the love my husband show me in EVERYTHING he does, I can’t even put into words the love of Jesus Himself.

    Ladies, don’t settle!!! God does have godly men out for us, with patience, he will come. When you settle, then you have just hindered God’s opportunity to bring to you your truly Christian fearing man. Get on your knees and pray, put Jesus first in your life. I know the wait is not easy, I’ve been there…but God brought me a man that was beyond what I could have ever described to Jesus to bring me. God loves to show off how he can bless his children, we just need to trust him to do it.

  4. This was much needed confirmation of the truth He spoke to my heart today. Thank you thank you thank you, for speaking with truth and grace.

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