My friend came to me upset the other day. The guy she was “talking” to had another girl “on the side” for a period of their “kinda” relationship.

If you do not know what “talking” is, it is basically a new way to call “courting,” but with no rules. It is not exclusive. Sometimes those in this phase are confused about what they are. No one wants to move to the next stage and say they are “official” cause that could seem obsessive and clingy. People who are talking, often go on like date things, and often have feelings, talk every day, but don’t have the title of being in a relationship.

My good friend was talking to a guy for four months. They went on dates. He told her there was potential for a future together. They kissed. He got jealous if she talked to other guys. And then a day after they ended he was publicly with this other girl.

Like oh?? This girl RANDOMLY popped into your life???

Oh wait…no you were “talking” to two girls at once.

And then there’s ghosting. Another friend was talking about how a guy she was basically dating with stopped replying to her texts one day and then started to act like she didn’t exist. He told her he liked her and then woke up one day and thought “I’m over it, I guess she doesn’t need a response.” I’ll just “naturally” get out of it by pretending she doesn’t exist.

She was hurt. She was confused.

But both girls felt stupid. Because “they weren’t dating the guys.” So why did they care? Why were they sad? It wasn’t like they had broken up with their boyfriend after a year of dating? They questioned their feelings.

They had a right to be sad. Sadly, we live in a society where these stories are too common. But no one talks about it because we like to pretend we are “chill” and pretend life is great so that our ex-whatever he was thinks we are fine without him.

Well, I’m over it.

Let’s go back to the day when intentions were clearly stated, and no one played with others hearts. Where honesty was given, and trust was natural because no one was “ghosted” and left unable to trust a guy.

I get it. It is not just our generation. I’m sure it happened before. Maybe, back in the day Juliet before she met Romeo stopped courting some other dude and just began to never write him back. IDK. But I’m sure it has happened before but one thing we can agree on is–it is more common now.

To the girl who is not sure where she stands with a boy: You deserve honesty. You deserve someone who can clearly articulate his intentions and whose actions align with his words. STOP accepting guys who make you confused, string you along, and simple don’t date you with the intent for a lifetime with you. You deserve someone who reminds you you are a daughter of the King of Kings and loves you like Jesus.

To the girl who has been burned by a boy: I’ve been there and so has many other girls in this world. Use your mistakes to remind you what a guy worth crushing on looks like. No he may not be the guys you see and are instantly attracted too…but he is so much better. He strives to look like Jesus and makes you feel secure, worthy, and purposeful for something greater than “hooking-up”. Wait for that man and don’t assume every apple is rotten. Maybe you were just searching on the wrong tree. Wait for a different type of guy than any guy you’ve talked to before.

To the guy who has ever been THAT guy: I’m not saying you are bad. I am just saying you are worth more than being a guy who hurts girls and strings them along knowing they have no intent to marry the other. You are smart. Tell a girl your feelings. Be straight up. Put down the phone and have this talk face to face. Be the guy you want your daughter to encounter.

And to my generation: let us never forget that love was not created the day an app was invented, or the day you met your kinda boyfriend. Love was created a dreary day on a tree, when a perfect Son was sacrificed for you to have freedom. Never waste your life chasing temporary girls and breaking precious hearts for temporary happiness.

Our generation stinks at dating because we are forgetting the purpose of dating. Dating isn’t meant to be a hobby you have. It is not meant to be used as a way to get “some.” It is supposed to be about finding someone you could see yourself marrying. It is supposed to be about finding someone who teaches you that two is better than one, and that sometimes our Creator gives us people to reflect a small portion of his big love for us.

Photocreds: jacobalves

Also I recently wrote a book called Am I Enough? You can get it on Amazon, Christian Books, LifeWay, or at your local Barnes and Noble or Books-A-Million. For more information click my tab “read the book” at the top. And then message me or take a pic and post of the book for me to see and tag me @thegracevalentine on Instagram

Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home--Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus--and with Him and Him only we are enough.


  1. Well said, Grace. Thank you for speaking so accurately to my daughters’ generation. May many listen!

  2. Wisdom is very rare. You are a treasure.
    I’m 56 and there have always been boys/men that were “jerks”. It appears in 2017 most are jerks. A lot of the responsibility falls on the parents. Too many fathers are not teaching their sons to treat women with respect, and like a lady. Thank you for writing an article that help our precious young ladies discover they are worthy of a godly man. Hopefully those who read this will gleen from it. And wait patiently for their husband.

  3. So cowardly to end a relationship by ghosting. But WAIT! WAS it a relationship!?!? I am glad that I married 38 years ago!!!!

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