Maybe you expected this article to be about the wage gap and how we need more women in powerful positions… I am not saying I don’t believe this, but this article is about something else.

Maybe you expected this to be the cheesy “women need more men of God” article where I claim “nice guys finish FIRST.” I guess I’ll save that for another day. 

This article is about one of the biggest problems women face.

Other women.

It struck a cord with me after taking three weeks off from writing on my blog. I’ve been focused on my book and school lately.

As I was picking up food from my favorite sushi place, I overhead girls discussing how “insanely disgusting” another girl was for some mistakes she made. I shook my head in disbelief. Maybe help her, do not just stand there, order your sushi, and call her disgusting. I should have told them this thought, but I just stood there and became part of the problem.

Then I was in a discussion with some peers in one of my classes about how this one girl took way too many selfies. “She just thinks she’s so hot…” A girl said to the group rolling her eyes. I laughed and went a long with it for a second then stopped my thoughts. Why are we kicking her down for being confident? More women should think they are beautiful.

I then caught myself gossiping about a girl I barely knew. I said to my friend out of jealousy, “I just don’t get the big deal about her.” I didn’t know her or her story. I just was competitive, jealous and sinful as I spoke hate about her when I hadn’t even had one real conversation with her.

Every woman IS A BIG DEAL.

Every woman has struggles you do not know about.

Women should not be defined by their mistakes, selfie habits or sexual history. Women should be defined by their Creator.

And last time I checked God doesn’t say, “ugh I don’t get the big deal about her…” He doesn’t complain about the amount of selfies she takes, or gossip about what she did last weekend. He simply loves her and asks her to be better. He invites her into friendship, cares for her, and sees her potential.

So girl-to-girl, I have a question: Why do we women put down other women, when we know just how hard it is to be a woman in the society we live in?

I’m asking these four things from every woman. Just cause you’re “Christian” does not exclude you from this topic. Some of the worst gossip happens at brunch by ladies after church.

1.”He who without sin shall cast the first stone.”

So, she made a mistake. Will gossiping about her at the gym help? Stop throwing your words, judgmental glares, and silence at her in a way to put her down. Befriend her and help her see how great a life with Christ looks like–through loving her unconditionally. Your job is to love, save the judgement for her Creator–the One who forgives her, loves her, and gives her a 77th chance if she asks for one.

2. Every person you meet is a BIG DEAL.

Obviously, I’m guilty of this one. Notice the greatness and potential in your fellow sisters instead of picking out their flaws. ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER. Shower you fellow sister with praise when deserved, and go out of your way to search for her gifts. Everyone is a big deal because they were created by a big God.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

3. Stop competing.

Okay, stalking your crushes ex-girlfriend and analyzing her every flaw does not make you better. Let’s lift each other up, instead of tear each other down. We are running the race to receive Christ as the prize, not to become the “most liked and wanted girl at university.”If you are competing in a race AGAINST the sister next to you, chances are you are in the wrong race.

Philippians 3:14 “I run straight toward the goal to win the prize that God’s heavenly call offers in Christ Jesus.”

4. Love like Jesus.

Jesus loves. That is it. He does not look at someone’s sexual history or tendency to wear Chacos to formal settings and judge them. He realizes that the most beautiful a woman can be is love. And to be love, you have to know the One who created love.

So girl-to-girl: let’s stop tearing each other down. Women need more women loving other women like Jesus. Women need more women who care about their sister and clothe themselves with love. We are sisters and even that mean girl is in your life for a reason. So love your neighbor, the girl who takes too many selfies, and the girl you don’t think is a “big deal.” We are all created purposefully.

Photocreds: Claire Pedregon, , insta @clairepedregon

Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home--Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus--and with Him and Him only we are enough.


  1. I got a notification and read your awesome post!! It’s a wonderful thing to remind myself of daily. I think this article could be beneficial for women everywhere, I know it’s certainly beneficial for me to hear. Thank you 🙂

  2. So amazing!! You are such a talented soul!!! Thxs for writing these.. they are so beautiful and such a joy to read!!!💖💖💖

  3. Amen to this. I know I fail all the time but I’ve been self-aware about it for a long time and when the worst culprits are Christians hiding their judgement behind fraternal correction (in the best case scenarios) it gets a bit frustrating. I’m glad now we are fighting this battle together 🙂

  4. I love this! It made me cry! I am so guilty of doing all these things but the more I read about and speak to Jesus the more I want to be like him. Your blog is amazing, can’t wait for the book!

  5. This is so important! I think we as Christians let gossip slide to easily, and sometimes, even our prayer intentions can be tinged with gossip: “let’s pray for Susan because she has been really unchaste lately and keeps bringing men back to the dorm.” Thank you for talking about how we as daughters of God need to build each other up. We definitely need to talk about godly friendships more, and your post discussed the topic well!

  6. This hit home because i find myself saying cruel things about others but when i hear someone talk about me i always feel really hurt. In all honesty, i love everyone and sometimes i just lose sight of that. Reading this made me realize that i need to encourage more and let everyone just be who they are. Thanks sooo much for this!
    God bless~

  7. Thank you for writing this and thank you for reminding me that instead of being judgemental I should show them God’s love. Btw you are so beautiful and your articles are awesome too! 😄👏 Hope you write more lol God bless you❤

  8. This is such a wonderful & inspiring article! I have personally struggled with gossip, envy, jealousy (I mean who hasn’t, at some time or another right?) but what am I gaining from it? This is such a great reminder to love everyone just as Christ loves us and I am so grateful for this piece you have written! Thank you!

  9. Everything that I read is so spiritually uplifting to me. I feel like every girl struggles with judgement and gossip and this helps put things into a perspective and definitely changes my attitude towards things. Thank you!!!

  10. I know I’m far behind. I’ve seen you have posted this and haven’t gotten around to reading it. This was so awesome. I can relate to it so much. Sometimes I catch myself talking about someone or competing with someone else and I have to stop myself because as women we need to stand together not bring each other down. Especially with everything that is going on today, we all need women we can relate to and we all need to lift each other up. Thanks for this great article! It was amazing and it really hit the spot and you did a great way of talking about it.

  11. grace your posts have positively impacted my life for the better. may the lord keep using your words to spread truth and light. please keep writing and never forget how capable you are – from a twenty something year old gal just trying to leave this place better than when i found it.

Leave a Reply