“I know I can’t believe it either…”

One of my friends growing up got that ring, and was officially engaged to the man of her dreams. We gushed over sushi about the day her man got down on one knee and asked to be hers forever. It felt like yesterday we were jamming to throwback songs together in the car, driving to high school, talking about homecoming, and dreaming about the kind of guys we would hopefully end up marrying.

I asked her a quick question while I pretended to know how chopsticks work… Fun fact I worked in a sushi restaurant for 3 years and never figured out how to use chop sticks –I’m hopeless…

“What is your favorite part about him?” I eagerly was awaiting her answer. From a girl who have never been in love, I was curious. What was the most attractive part of “her love.”

I was surprised by her answer.

“He doesn’t put me first.She blushed.


Have you listened to Beyonce lady?

You are a queen.

Have you not read the cheesy but aggressive articles on Facebook that sound like “don’t give him the time of day if he doesn’t worship you.”

But I stepped back and realized maybe I was wrong.

Megan continued to talk about this man who didn’t worship her, and didn’t put her first. She talked about how her man’s eyes weren’t focused on her. They were focused on their rock and redeemer. He put Christ first, and no one else. Including the love of his life.

The love of her life cared about how Megan felt, but vowed to always go where his Creator called him to go. The love of her life loved her like Christ, but never forgot who his first love was.

It is easy to want a guy who will move mountains for you, but what about praying for a guy who believes that God can move those mountains? We live in a society that says “wait for a man who does everything for you,” but maybe we should search for something more, ladies. Maybe we should wait for a man who puts Christ first, seeks His Kingdom first, and because of His love and devotion to our Redeemer He loves us accordingly.

It is easy to desire having a man wrapped around our finger. It is easy to want a man who does whatever we ask. But we are not God… and when we are asking a boy to put us first we are only separating Him from His first love.

I get it, it’s the classic Christian girl thing to say.… but it is true. We need to wait for a man who puts Christ first – not ourselves, not porn, not “the boys.”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, we need to dance first with Christ. We need to step-by-step follow Christ’s lead, gracefully going where He calls us to. We need to not follow the distractions of the world. Christ will always be our leader.

But one day, maybe while dancing with Christ, you will notice there is someone else also striving to follow Christ’s footwork. They are too following His step, and together y’all embrace the counts of the music and create something beautiful. That is love. That is community. And that is what it is like for two to become one together.

So yes, find a man who holds the door, buys you a meal, and asks how your day was. Find someone who makes you blush, cares for you, and treats you special. However, wait for a man who seeks Christ’s approval above yours. One who follows Christ and not you, the world, or himself. Look for man who strives to have the same characteristics as Jesus. Look for someone who worships Jesus through his actions.

I mess up. I am icky. I will fail. I do not want any boy to think I can be his foundation.

Wait for that… Don’t settle just because you want to feel wanted. Don’t settle because you may have found a “good guy who puts you first.” Wait for a man who doesn’t put you as his foundation. Wait for a man who is planted on our God, our rock– and together you find each other because both of you made the Lord your foundation. Find a guy who pushes you to notice Christ. Find a guy who pushes you to put Christ first. Find a guy who leads by example, and reminds you that Christ is ultimate the person you should be imitating.

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Photocreds: Jen Menard / www.instagram.com/jenmenardphoto or www.jenmenard.com

Of Megan Cupit.

Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home--Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus--and with Him and Him only we are enough.


  1. I LOVED this blog post. Thank you for writing it. It gave me an entire different perspective on dating and the kind of guy I want to date. Your words are always so encouraging and refreshing. I enjoy reading your blogs. Keep up the good work (:

  2. Thank you for sharing this! I really enjoyed reading it. It reminded me of when I was engaged to my husband and my pastor gave me this as advice. He told me, “Do not get in between his love of Christ. You are not to compete with his first love.” At first I thought it was absurd to accuse me of such a thing. Then later I realized that the advice had helped me more than I had realized. My husband loves me differently. To have him place me first is like being a mistress between him and the man he worships. My pastor also pointed out to my husband that he is to not neglect me even during times of worship. Even though Christ is his first love, he can still show dedication through loving one of his creations. He can still show that he is a devoted Christian by making sure that he loves me too. In a way, he found that it is possible to put one first without neglecting the other. I think that this is such an important thing to learn when going into a marriage. 🙂 Thank you again for sharing this!

  3. When I first started reading this, I wasn’t sure where this post would go. I’m always on guard for everything.

    But then this message became clear. I was so relieved and happy.

    Excellently written. Far more importantly, it’s a God-centered message.

    Ladies and gentlemen, seriously…. This is what we all need to think about and practice. Feminism? This is female empowerment – putting God first ALWAYS and, if you are in a relationship, spending your days with a man who also and truly puts GOD FIRST.

    Period. Please, make no exceptions. Ever. God comes first!

    Love your mate with all that God gives and commands you to love them with. But no matter how much you love your man or woman, keep God first ALWAYS.

    Praise God and thank you for posting this, Grace!

  4. Grace, I just want to say thankyou for writing this, there is too much truth in your message!

    I know it was pointed more toward women and all, but it really opened my eyes and heart more to focus on staying pure and persuing the works of God!

    Theres a lot of pressure on todays teens+, and its one of societys biggest problems today. Just like you quoted Matther 7:24-27, lack in preperation and having a solid foundation leaves once happy and “perfect” marriges nothing but a pile of rubble… fighting over paying child care, and who gets the kids on what dates.

    I just want to say thank you for this mesage and keep up the writing:) it really left an impact!!

  5. What an encouraging testament! I was feeling discouraged today when I woke up to find that the guy I like got asked by one of my teammates to the school dance. But after a minute or two of feeling sorry for myself, I got up, went to school and prayed to God to show me His guidance. A book that has really encouraged me in “Before you meet Prince Charming” by Sarah Mally and when I got home from school I turned to it and the bible. You’re words are so encouraging to me! If you ever get the chance, check out my blog: https://joyinjesusbyjane.blogspot.com

  6. “But one day, maybe while dancing with Christ, you will notice there is someone else also striving to follow Christ’s footwork. They are too following His step, and together y’all embrace the counts of the music and create something beautiful. That is love. That is community. And that is what it is like for two to become one together.”

    Grace – I love the way you paint pictures with words. This is so good. Thanks for sharing!

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