I read an article on a random non-informative but seemed official website called the “10 reasons why you are still single”. I clicked on it because, like you, I was single and wanted to know why. The article went into depth about how maybe I was too clingy, was expecting too much out of a man, or maybe just maybe I’m not looking hard enough.

Then insecurity crept into my mind filling it with lies. Maybe I am single because I sometimes forget to brush my hair. Maybe it is because my face decided to have its major breakout at age 20 instead of age 13. Maybe I am single because my standards are too high. I can’t expect a guy to love God as much as I want. Maybe I’m single because I’m awkward and weird and sometimes laugh too high-pitched and too loud. 

So for the girl like me who clicked on this article wondering why after many years or months you are STILL single… do not exit this article.

You are single right now because you are supposed to be single.

Annoying answer right? Goodness, I know what you are thinking “another Christian who wants to remind me God’s gotta plan…cute.” 

Okay, maybe that is kinda true but give me a chance…hear me out.

One of my friends texted me the other day… “I’m so tired of being single… is it bad that I’m over it? Is it weird that I’ve been single for this long?”

Immediately I knew the right answer, “NO OF COURSE NOT. God is using this season… yada yada yada…” I said all the right things… but the truth is that night I looked in the mirror and felt God tugging my heart.

“Grace, do you actually believe that I am using your single season?”

Truth is, I struggled believing that my long single season was going to be for a purpose. I struggled with acknowledging that God was molding me into a better person through singleness.

I currently have 8 roommates. Yes, 8 girls live together in one house. And 6/8 are in a serious relationship. I never cared about being the single friend until I realized I was one of the only single ones in our house. All of them are happy and in relationships that make them giddy and filled with joy. However, for me the most romantic thing that has happened to me in the past month was a random guy winking at me while out…mama’s still got it!!!

In high school, I remember one girl at my church telling me that I would probably be the one to find my husband in college and be engaged right out of university. She thought she would be the last one to be engaged.

“No way… hahahah…” I laughed nervously, but secretly hoped that would be true and I would be a ring by spring gal.

However, now three and a half years later the girl who was so sure she would be single is engaged and I am still single. **nervous giggle**

And now I’ve seen people I know get engaged. People I know be “pursued” by a cute boy with great eyes. I’m happy for them. But if I’m being honest, I sometimes wish it was me.

I’m guilty of wishing away my single season. I’m guilty of shaking a cute boy’s hand and thinking “Well, this is destiny…go ahead and get down on one knee…I’m ready!!!

But God hasn’t given me a boy who is worthy of my heart… because right now He is telling me I am supposed to be single.

See, the truth is we need to stop wishing away our single years. We need to stop thinking being single is horrible and that our lack of relationship defines our worth. We need to stop. Stop searching for a boy or girl to fill our hearts with acceptance. Stop wishing that we had companionship from this world. Stop thinking that our single years are supposed to be spent on useless dating apps and looking for “the one”.

We need to start allowing God to remind us He is our first love. We need to start keeping our eyes focused on Christ and remembering His plans are better than ours. We need to continue to dance with Him, follow Him step-by-step and let Him create a beautiful sequence out of our everyday.

Whether you’ve been single for one year, three weeks, five years, or your whole life I promise there is a purpose. Whether you are like me and third-wheel more often than you’re proud of or 30 years young and feel like you are always the bridesmaid and never the bride, there is a reason.

You are single so get over it. Tough love my friend. I had to tell myself that the other day when I was pouting with slight jealousy over all my friends. I am in a single season whether I like it or not. Now the question is am I going to use this season to grow with Christ and fall more and more in love with my actual first love? Or am I going to throw myself on mediocre guys who may want my heart but have no relationship with the One who created it?

We need to stop spending our Mondays wishing they were Saturdays and spending our falls wishing it was summer. We need to stop chasing the future and running away from the present. We must stop wasting our single season wishing we were in a relationship.

Bloom where you are planted. 

Get over being single and grow where God planted you. Grow with Christ and allow your beautiful self with the right nourishment to become a lovely flower reaching towards the sun. A flower that grows closer to Him. Although the sun hasn’t moved, you have moved closer to it because you focused on working on yourself to reach new heights. You focused on feeding yourself each morning with life and not death that the world gives us.

In a world full of weeds, we need more beautiful patient flowers blooming where the wind took their seeds. In a world, where so many people are trying to focus on growing like weeds, always there and noticeable, I challenge you to be focused on growing towards Christ. Maybe someone will see how admirable you are when you are searching for more of God. Maybe someone will see how beautiful and hardworking your God is, and how that allowed you to become even more beautiful.

And that’s the kind of man you need.

But until then…bloom where you are planted. And this may be your single season, but there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Oh I forgot my list?
Check out each of these numbers as reminders for why you are single.
1. Jeremiah 29:11

2. Romans 8:28

3. Matthew 6:25-34

4. Proverbs 16:9

5. Psalm 143:8

Those are the TRUE reasons.

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Written by Grace Valentine

I love Jesus, diet coke and sunflowers. I wish I lived in the mountains, but love the two states I call home--Louisiana and Texas. I can watch Criminal Minds all day and dream of one day owning an ice cream truck for fun. However, my main goal in life is that more girls will realize the worth they have through Christ Jesus--and with Him and Him only we are enough.

27 comments

  1. Grace,

    I know God works in mysterious ways. But you sending this article out today was 100% a God thing.

    I needed this more than you. Last night I went to bed crying and literally said ” I’m trying so hard to be the girl that guys want, but I’m always the one that gets burned and is a second choice”

    Today I was struggling so hard with why I’m still single, and you just made it so clear. Thank you so much.

    I really wish I knew you in person. I feel like you’re one of my long lost friends.

    God bless!

    Mads Austermann

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow sweet Mads your comment. I needed to be reminded of this too, so I know how you feel. Trust me I’m the queen of feeling like the fruit cup and thinking every other girl is the french fry option, a way better option. Our time will come and until them we will bloom where we are planted. much love my friend ❤

      Like

  2. Holy cow, I think we’re the same person. Last week, a boy laughed at my Michael Scott reference and I thought exactly what you wrote…. ““Well, this is destiny…go ahead and get down on one knee…I’m ready!!!”” Too funny.
    But seriously- this was much needed and it’s always so refreshing to hear that you’re not alone. Sometimes the most powerful words you can hear are, “me too” and I was saying that the whole time I was reading. Thank you for being real, for being honest, and for being willing to share.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Thank-you for sharing your words! This is exactly what I wish I had understood when I was younger, and what I hope my future daughters will understand too. Worth is not dependent upon a relationship status, ever. You put all these thoughts beautifully (:

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wowie wow wow. Thank you for being vulnerably honest and letting those of us out here that we are not the only ones. It’s nice to say, “me too.” Even when it hurts, it’s important to know these truths. Thank you.
    -Meredith

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Grace, I started reading your blogs through Myra’s Facebook. I was your Dad’s babysitter during my teenage years, lived in Livingston Springs in Madison with the Valentines, and thought your grandmother was so beautiful…..and still do! You are truly blessed with the gift of words and a spiritual maturity which you share so graciously!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve been following your blog for a while and I love your ministry that you have through words and encouraging people. But I just have to say, this particular post really ministered to me. I needed to be reminded of these things — that singleness has a purpose. And that God is using it for my good and for His glory! So thank you for being so faithful to write the words that God puts on your heart. You are truly ministering to so many people’s lives.
    – Paige ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Last night I told someone that actually I think I’m okay being single (and I think I’m going through a low faith-wise!) and I was met with “Don’t give up, you’re awesome” so I kinda sympathise with anyone who feels like they can’t be okay with being single, although I’m totally behind your points xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As a guy, I would like to thank you for writing what you do the way you do it.

    Even guys have the “I don’t feel like I’m not worth anything and others apparently see it also cause I’m still alone” (at least I do). It’s refreshing to hear someone say they have the same problems as me (singleness, self worth, etc), but also be able to look for Jesus in the day to day.

    That’s the part I’m struggling with right now, but I can say that God has used you to help reassure at least one person.

    Thank you,
    Jacob

    Like

  9. Amen, sister!

    Among all the other things I love about this post, it is so refreshing to see that instead of listing a bunch of things we need to change about ourselves that encourage our insecurities, we find instead a list of scripture verses. That really hit me and was very encouraging.

    Also, even though I always hear that I am not the only one who is single and wondering why, it is so encouraging to read what, at some points, could literally be something I’d write in a journal 🙂

    Thank you so much for allowing the Lord to use you in this ministry. He has the best plan in mind for us and He is so good!

    – Sarah

    Liked by 1 person

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