I’ve tried it all.
I’ve searched high and low for my identity. I’ve tried seeking validation in my looks by under-eating and over-exercising. I’ve tried putting on layers of makeup to feel cute enough for boys to like me. I’ve tried to find my worth in cute boys. I’ve tried to find my worth in my good deeds. I’ve time after time tried to find my worth in the temporary satisfaction this world gives us.
Yet, I came up short.
From being the bullied girl to the popular girl–I was not satisfied. In fact, nothing was able to satisfy me and make me feel beautiful.
No matter what my circumstances were…
I still did not know how much I was worth.
I still did not know the beauty that hid inside me.
I still did not know the love I could both give and receive.
I didn’t know my worth, because I felt like my worth came from me.
If there’s one thing I have learned in these 19 years, it’s that this world cannot and will not satisfy me. No matter how popular you are, how rich you are, how many likes you get on social media, you won’t have joy until you do life with the One who created life itself. You won’t know your worth until you dance with the One who can gently guide you where you are supposed to be. You can’t fully understand how beautiful you are until you understand how beautiful your artist is.
Some of you reading this may feel not pretty enough, or good enough. Maybe you feel like your past is too ugly for you to be worthy. Maybe you feel so lonely you could never be worthy. Maybe you feel not good enough to accept and believe in the love talked about in the gospel.
But here’s the truth: you aren’t worthy. That’s what makes grace taste even better. Grace exists because we are messed up sinners who are in desperate need of a savior. We needed someone to be a sacrifice for our sins, because God is a just God. However, God also justified us through His Son so we may be washed clean.
I found my worth when I realized I wasn’t worthy.
I found my worth when I realized the gospel is beautiful because it is a love story about a perfect guy, who is way out of my league, consistently loving me despite my flaws.
I found my worth when I realized I didn’t have to be good enough for Christ, all I have to do is simply dance with Jesus. All I have to do is believe and love Him each morning. All I have to do is realize that I am not worthy of a perfect God, yet He loves me anyways.
There’s a good chance you have someone in your life who said, “yeah you aren’t good enough for me”. Maybe it was a boy, a “friend”, a family member, or even yourself. However, it does not matter what the world thinks of you. The King of Kings, the Almighty God, and ultimate superman loves you despite your unworthiness–and that is something to celebrate.
So here’s to the guy who dumped me, and the girl who is always going to hate me. Here’s to the lies I hear when I look in the mirror and all the times I fail. I won’t be enough for this world. I will always come up short. However, grace and mercy make life not fair. Grace and mercy give us a chance to do life with the Prince of Peace. And because I can do life with the Prince of Peace, I know I am beautiful, loved, and important.
I am a daughter of God. I am worthy of respect and joy. I found my worth when I realized the beautiful love story presented in the gospel. That a perfect man died for my unworthiness, conquered death, and gives me a chance each morning to turn to Him and ask for forgiveness and freedom in Him. What a beautiful gift.